


To End Is To Begin

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:37:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4744901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships are more complicated than either Remus or Snape expected, especially with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for lore and originally posted to Livejournal in 2007.

Snape sat at his desk, composing a letter to the editor of _Potions Weekly._ His quill moved furiously against the paper, his lips pursed in anger. He couldn’t believe the outright stupidity of the Durmstrang student who had published what he laughingly called a “breakthrough” into lycanthropy, which was clearly anything but, nor the arrogance of the editor in allowing such drivel to be published in the first place. So he was going to tell him in absolutely graphic detail why publishing such inaccurate, inconclusive, incomplete information was dangerous and could have deadly consequences for the lycanthrope community. 

Remus stood in the doorway, watching as Snape wrote page upon page of vitriol. He knew it was safer for Snape to be putting his feelings down on paper than going around and confronting the editor in person like he had originally wanted. Remus could only imagine the sort of disaster that would lead to. He’d narrowly escaped Azkaban before now; there was no need to tempt fate. 

“There is no need to stare like that, wolf,” Snape admonished, without turning around or stopping from writing. 

Remus sighed. “I’m not staring.” Snape snorted but made no further reply. “I’m just going to start on dinner. Do you want anything special?” 

“Whatever you want is fine.” Remus watched him for a moment, waiting for some more recognition, but there was nothing, so he turned back and headed to the kitchen, leaving Snape to himself. 

In the kitchen Remus pulled out the vegetables and began to prepare a simple soup – if Snape wasn’t bothered then he didn’t see why he should be either. He tried to swallow his disappointment at Snape’s lack of interest in any part of their life together, but he could no longer deny that this was Snape’s usual response. 

Snape meanwhile continued as he had been, focused entirely on the one project before him; it was difficult for him to focus on multiple tasks as he had done before the war, but he didn’t want Remus to know this. As far as he was concerned their relationship was fractious enough as it was; he didn’t want anything to tip the balance. But perhaps he was underestimating his partner. Surely Remus also felt somewhat adrift now that they were not allowed to keep their wands with them unless on official Ministry business. 

He could hear Remus in the kitchen furiously chopping away and wondered if he should go check on him. Which of course was ridiculous because Remus was a grown werewolf, but nevertheless…

Back protesting at the movement Snape wandered into the kitchen and watched in silence as Remus demolished the carrots and pulled apart the onions. He was a decent cook and made sure that Snape had at least one cooked meal inside him before he went to bed. 

“Should I apologise?” Snape asked as the food walked into the pot and Remus slammed the lid down with more force than necessary. 

“That depends on whether you know why you’re apologising.”

“For being me?”

Remus sighed. “I suppose…”

Snape walked up behind Remus and slipped his arms around his partner’s waist, kissing the back of his neck. “Forgive me?”

Remus pretended to consider it. “Only if you stop writing to the editor.”

“Remus you know very well that that incompetent…”

“Severus!”

“Remus!”

They were now facing each other, expressions equally furious and exasperated. Both were feeling the pressure and neither of them was willing to talk about it. Severus because he wasn’t comfortable confiding in anyone, Remus because he was tired of having to be the intuitive one. 

“I’m going to lie down. Don’t let lunch burn,” Remus told him fiercely before pushing himself past the other man and deliberately making as much noise as possible as he stomped upstairs to the bedroom they shared, wondering to himself how long that situation could last. He’d supposed that he’d be able to change Snape, but he realised now that that was a futile belief; Severus didn’t want to change, and so he wouldn’t.

Snape remained stoically in the kitchen, absently stirring the soup. If he let Remus calm down then things could go back to how they used to be. Remus would apologise so that Snape wouldn’t have to and their lives would continue as they had before, each needing companionship and occasionally a release they couldn’t find on their own. 

But up until now it hadn’t occurred to Snape that Remus was in any way unsatisfied by this arrangement. And now that Remus was behaving so – difficult – Snape couldn’t help but think of ways to change things, whether by fixing the problem or letting Remus drift away. 

Snape took out two bowls and spoons and put them on a tray, then spooned in the soup. He looked around for something else, aware that he was missing the little touches that Remus would always provide. He settled on a couple of slices of the bread Remus had made the day before and then, just as he was leaving the kitchen, the roses around the back door caught his eye. He hunted around for a vase but when he couldn’t find one he used a glass instead and put a single rose in it. It was the kind of sentimental action which Remus responded well to.

He didn’t have hands enough to knock on the bedroom door so he walked straight in, only to find the room empty. 

“Remus?”

Remus poked his head from around the bathroom door. “Oh, you brought lunch.” His initial surprise turned to pleased appreciation as he saw the trouble that Snape had gone to. “Let’s eat by the window.”

Snape placed the tray on the table that Remus had cleared for him and sat down. Remus sat down across from him and began to eat. “Mmm. This is good.” Snape raised an eyebrow. 

“You made it.”

“Well, yes.” Remus smiled shyly. 

They continued to eat in silence for a few minutes, each struggling to decide what to say. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, nor was it pleasant and it started to itch underneath Remus’ skin. 

“I suppose you’re going to get maudlin and want to talk?” Snape finally asked. Remus looked up guiltily. He knew that Snape didn’t enjoy these kinds of conversations. 

“Please.”

“Well, proceed.” Snape sat back in his chair and rested his arms on the table before him. He stared down his long nose at the other man and Remus gulped. 

“Well. It’s just. We don’t seem to have been, communicating, lately.” Snape raised an eyebrow. “And I just think that, since the war, we’ve both been a little…”

Snape looked blankly at the other man; either he didn’t understand or he was being deliberately obtuse. 

“Well we’ve both been a little distracted. We haven’t had a chance to really enjoy ourselves after the war.”

“Enjoy ourselves?” Snape repeated. “Are you not happy with our sex life?”

Remus blinked. “What sex life? You’ve barely touched me for weeks.”

“Ah, so that is what this is all about.”

“ _This?”_

“This rather obvious attempt to get my attention. You are feeling, _neglected.”_ Sarcasm fairly rolled from Snape’s tongue and dripped to the floor. 

Remus stiffened. “I’m not _feeling_ neglected. I am neglected!”

“Well, if you are dissatisfied perhaps it is time we move on.”

“Move…on.” This was not at all the way in which Remus had expected this day to go. He wanted Snape to tell him that he loved him and have make-up sex on the floor like they had when they’d first moved in. But both of them seemed too dead inside to experience such emotion. 

“Yes. I’ll owl the Ministry and ask them to find me more suitable accommodation.” And then he abruptly strode out of the room and Remus’ life. 

It was the end.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus contented his days Post-Snape with pottering around his herb garden, redecorating the spare room and monitoring the Ministry’s position on werewolves. This took up much more of his time than he had anticipated once Hermione became Minister for Lycanthrope Affairs and he took up an unofficial position as Secretary, reading all her speeches and legislation and making as many suggestions as he thought he could get away with. It was frustrating hearing all the news second hand – he still was forbidden from entering London – but now he felt a little more that his life had a purpose. 

The house was just as quiet Post-Snape as it had been before; neither of them had been very noisy, and so there were times when Remus wandered into the office and expected to see Snape still quietly writing at the desk. But he wasn’t. He wouldn’t ever be. 

And Remus was fine with that. He didn’t wonder what Snape was doing. He didn’t start subscribing to potion magazines in order to see Snape’s name. He didn’t enquire both subtly and unsubtly of his friends whether they had heard what Snape was doing. He didn’t write letters that he would never send. He didn’t stare at a bed he no longer shared. 

Except of course he did. 

Snape contented his days Post-Remus with pottering around his herb garden, concocting even more laborious and sophisticated potions and monitoring the Ministry’s position on werewolves. This took up much more of his time than he had anticipated once the Granger girl became the ridiculously titled Minster for Lyncanthrope Affairs and he took up an unofficial position as wolfsbane supplier, teaching others to brew the potion in strictly Auror-supervised facilities and advising on specifications to improve it. It was frustrating being so closely watched all the time as he clung to what little privacy was still afforded to him, but now he felt a little more that his life had a purpose. 

The house was quiet and relaxing though occasionally, when he nearly doubled over in hunger because he had forgotten to eat all day, he wandered into his bare kitchen and expected to see Remus there, quietly making him a delicious snack that was as filling as it was tasty. But he wasn’t. He wouldn’t ever be. 

And Snape was fine with that. He didn’t wonder what Remus was doing. He didn’t start paying attention to werewolf legislation in order to see Lupin’s name. He didn’t write letters that he would never send. He didn’t feel cold in a bed he no longer shared. 

Except of course he did.

++++++

It was four weeks Post-Relationship that Snape and Remus began to suspect that their friends (well, Remus’ really) were trying to get them back together. They were being surprisingly subtle about it, which was what immediately set off warning bells for both men. Whatever they were their friends weren’t subtle. 

There was the delivery of letters that had been nearly charred and then restored by a helpful witch. There was the extra time Snape was allowed outside prepared by a helpful Auror. There were the casual comments about new werewolf legislation or new potions by a helpful wizard saviour. All determined to get Remus and Snape thinking about each other again. 

Which of course they had never stopped, though they didn’t confide such things in any one. That was going one step too far. 

But that was how they ended up facing each other across an exquisitely cooked steak dinner, presided over by the full complement of the Weasley’s, Potter and Granger. Snape had tried every skill he possessed to get out of it, but Molly Weasley had the disturbing ability of not taking no as an answer. Remus, on the other hand, had tried bribery – his herb garden had some excellent and rare specimens – but Molly had not only convinced him to give her some samples but also to attend the dinner promptly at seven. 

The food was delicious, and Snape certainly had not had such a good meal in – well, in at least four weeks. The conversation was also light and flowed freely, as it always did at such meals, and Snape found himself, despite all the odds against it, actually relaxing. He even joined in with a few of the conversations and had one brief nodding acknowledgement with Remus. Remus seemed extremely highly-strung and was smiling more than Snape believed strictly necessary. He dropped his knife and fork twice before Snape asked whether he’d prefer to eat with his paws so he gripped his utensils tightly and deliberately teared at the meat. He focused on the plate before him to hide his blushes and didn’t notice Snape’s small smile. 

Everyone else did. 

For dessert they had Molly’s chocolate meringue with strawberries which Remus had once described as a slice of heaven. And everyone at the table fell silent whilst trying to consume it as slowly as possible, savouring the delicious taste. 

After that there was coffee and liquors and Snape and Remus sitting next to each other on the sofa by the fire and having a pleasant conversation about gardening. And then there was an unpleasant staring contest where both of them wanted to kiss the other but felt like there were too many eyes on them to make it anything but awkward. But when the others finally left them alone together there was kissing and groping and panting and the only way they both knew how to say, “I love you. I miss you” without the actual words ever passing their lips. And when Snape expressed a desire for coffee the way Remus made it Remus fell over himself to ask him to come home. 

It was the beginning.


End file.
